Operation Tweeze

Like so many of my things, my tweezers had gone missing. For some reason, I hadn't replaced it even though it had been on my agenda for the past several weeks. My eyebrows had been in the forefront of my mind for days, in and out of my thoughts at random intervals during the day. At this particular moment, I was having fun scaring the bejesus out of Emma with the good ole fashioned game, "Operation". (I would slowly stick the tweezers in the holes and then firmly hold it against the edges while it buzzed long and loudly. All the while, I shook from head to toe) I found it funny for the first few times until it occurred to me she was too young to appreciate a good electrocution...or seizure. I was wasting my humor on her measly 1 year old brain. Where are Ava and Liza when I need them.

Anyway, the operative word in the above paragraph is "tweezers". I looked at the game, and decided to drag the entire thing into the bathroom. I held the naked body part of the game in my left hand and the tweezers in the right. I knew it was impossible to do a full brow shaping, so I concentrated on the most obvious hairs. It worked, however it was difficult to grip. With NO PRECISION at all, I completed what I had set out to do and was awfully proud of my tenacity.

I will admit that it concerns me a bit that I was proud...and not mortified. I then forced myself to me mortified, made an appointment with Pam (my esthetician) and shamed myself with a big glass of wine and a prayer.

"Dear Lord, please stop what seems like daily lobotomy which strips pieces of my old self's brain into this woman who has also used a nasal aspirator to baste a chicken, nipple cream as lip balm and a diaper as a feminine hygiene product ..(I was desperate). PS. Thank you for the NEED for the feminine hygiene product. "

Later, as I was lying in bed with my newest appendage, I began thinking about the tweezing incident. And I laughed. And I took back my prayer. And I thanked God for the opportunity to be a little housewife cliche now and then.