A What can Bounce on my What??

"MOM" as one opinionated, critical, and no-filter brain, 6 year old blurts...."a bug can bounce on your butt...you know...like a trampoline...its so jiggly!". "boing boing boing" she squeals with delight as she hoists my butt cheeks up and down as I am trying to wash dishes.

"ya know what? It wasn't always like this....I used to be thin....in shape even. That was before you friggan kids ruined my body. So, before you start insulting me, you should maybe consider writing me an apology letter first".

I struggle, on a daily basis, to decide whether or not I really care about what my body looks like. Clearly, I am concerned about my face....people actually SEE my face. But who really sees my body? Emma? She doesn't really care. Besides, if you wear the right clothes, it doesn't matter at all what shape or weight you are. Its more about presenting yourself well....right?

That's all well and good, except I most often wear sweatpants. Only because they are comfortable. Plus, I really try and put together "stylish" sweat outfits...ones that I think look cute. ( Ok, maybe I am far too old for that, as these are the types of outfits adorned by Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato...etc. )

I am 35 years old.....I have gained approximately 260 pounds over 4 pregnancies. Of course my body is not going to be the same. I no longer smoke my breakfast, and consider coffee my staple dietary need.

I don't want to be one of those woman who are constantly on a diet either...I seriously know people who have been on weight watchers for over 15 years. This is not about diet, or weight. I do not think I am fat. I am just "different" than I used to be. I used to spend 3 hours a day in the gym ...(from 1995 - 1999), I could've been a model in "Shape Magazine". Its not all bad though....I could still be in magazines....in fact, I was thinking I could pose nude....in National Geographic.

If you have daughters, you may know they absolutely LOVE checking you out and making commentaries.... However, you have to be very careful on how you let them see you react so as not to cause and body dismorphic issues as they enter puberty..or before. For example:

child "mom....you have all scratches on your hips"
parent "those are stretch marks... I got them from riding a bike.
child " Wow your boobs look weird with no bra on"
parent: "at least I HAVE boobs"
child: "why does your chunk hang out the top of your pants?"
parent ****smack ****


Now currently, I having been living a sugar free lifestyle....its been working out for the most part....as far as the ease of it.

The most crucial aspect was to furnish the cabinets with sugar free snacks...so as to not ever feel as if I were missing something. Right off the bat, I spent $200 on sugar free cupcakes, cookies, puddings, etc. I cleaned Target out of their sugar free chocolates, and hard candy.

One wouldn't think they would have to read the fine print on the packages...would one?

"Over consumption of this product could have a laxative effect".

OK, so I lost a few pounds straight away....if only for the over consumption of the sugar free products. So now, a few weeks into it, I wrestle with the conflict of satisfying my junk food cravings with whether its worth it to spend a fair amount of time in the lieu the next day. (guess I should stock up on my gossip magazines).

I suppose I will start those pilates dvds I purchase 2 months ago....soon. I will continue to try and eat a normal healthy diet. (minus sugar + sugar substitutes). I will take it one day at a time and welcome any comments from my girls as observations...not criticisms. If this is what it is for me, that is fine. I will through my hands up, buy more sweats and call it a day.