"Sorry...I Have a Bad Cold" (item #8)

HAPHEPHOBIA - the fear of being touched

Anyone that knows me well, knows that I do not like to be touched by other people. I don't mind a firm handshake upon meeting someone new, but that is where I draw the line.

This is not something that just came about, either. Well before the swine flu epidemic, i was avoiding making any kind of physical contact with most people.

Further, and to be clear, it is NOT a germ issue...I will duly admit that it is purely and just simply.... one of my characteristics.

It goes back to my childhood, I suppose. I was that kid who had an extra aversion to the aunt who insisted that she squeeze my cheek upon seeing me. I would break into a cold sweat at thought of company coming over...because I KNEW I was going to be forced to make some sort of physical gesture. I would run and hide under my bed, or in a closet for as long as I could.

It was offensive to me, and I thought it not right that I was forced, as to be courteous, to kiss every tom, dick and harry that walked into my house...regardless of their personal hygiene habits. Even as a small child, my parents were lucky if they got a kiss before bedtime....(even today, I hug and kiss them only prior to plane travel)

As an adult, I continue to find the tradition of people kissing and/or hugging upon entering a house/or room unnatural and awkward. Why do we stop their? Why not get on all fours and sniff each others rear ends? "HELLO and GOODBYE" should be perfectly sufficient. End of Story.

Lets tale into consideration that I have married into a very close, and traditional Italian family. And although the immediate family does not engage in this sort of behavior most of the time, the extended relatives will bestow a kiss on each and every person they can get their lips on. (ok, this may be a germ thing at this point) There can be a party of 100 people and still, the greetings can go on forever. It has become a game to me at family parties...how many kisses can I avoid. They come at you - hands up an open like a vice to grip your face so that you cannot move you head and avoid the kiss. I have had to resort to developing my own greeting which is along the lines of "Sorry, I have a bad cold"

The question is how this has affected my parenting when it comes to teaching my children (?) For the most part, I have taught them that they do not have to kiss anyone if they do not want to. (and believe me, I have caught grief on several occasions because of my belief on the matter)

There are certain members of our family, however, that I set aside this belief and force them to kiss. However, they have caught on to the "I have a cold" line pretty damn well. Liza will follow hers with a couple of good hacks complete with phlegm.

Furthermore, my issues with my personal space does not stop at kissing and hugging as a hello/goodbye gesture. I genuinely dislike any sort of physical affection such as long periods of hugging, cuddling, etc. (with the sole exception of my own children under the age of 4ish...or badly maimed). This makes wakes and funerals especially difficult for me.

In my own home, this generally hasn't been a problem -until recently, when my 6 year old has been consistently harassing me for "cuddle time". It has been a difficult task for me to determine whether or not she is being sincere, or rather testing my loyalty as a mother. It was recently that I had to explain to her why I constantly come up with excuses when she wants to smother my person.

(In trying to make her feel better and that it is not personal, I had her call one of my oldest friends to confirm what it was I was telling her was the truth)

I will kiss them goodnight...however, try and avoid their lips actually touching me. I know, again you think I am horrible. However, my kids have this ridiculous ability to turn their lips almost inside out, so that when they are coming at me, I see shiny, wet, lip innards coming at me. (I am gagging just thinking about it).

(If it makes you feel less bad for my kids, we have made a joke of it, so it is not all uncomfortable....rather funny - at least to them)

I have added this all to my list of "ITEMS TO DISCUSS WITH FUTURE THERAPIST". ...it is number 8 after "hearing other people chew crunchy food".