This is how it is. PERIOD.

Its getting close to that time, when the inevitable "birds and bees" discussion will be warranted with my girls. But for now, I will stick with stage one. The "period".

Based on the almost unnaturally close relationship I have with my daughters, it surprises even ME that I am so unnerved by the entire subject matter. Today was the puberty talk in health class, where the boys and girls are separated and each explained how their bodies will be "changing" and working in the next year or so.

Luckily for me, Santa brought her a book about the girls body and puberty this past Christmas. Creepy and inappropriate, I know, but even HE know my uncomfortableness over the situation.

Actually, that is not entirely true. I don't have that much of an issue talking to them about the monthly "issue". I realized I would have to broach that subject when I found them in my room one day (Liza, 3 and Ave, 5.5) wearing my heels and walking awkwardly to try and keep the maxi pad in between their legs, whilst twirling tampons in the air.

I let it be, and didn't jump on it instantaneously. I wanted to think long and hard as to what I would say and how I would say it. They were fairly young, after all.

I thought I could avoid the egg/fertilization deal for a couple of years, so decided to come up with a more understandable explanation.

"Just like babies and really really old people, mommies sometimes need diapers too. Because I carried you in my body, my tinkle tummy is broken. Mommy sometimes likes to wear tight pants, so a whole diaper would look weird and it would embarrass daddy. So, they make skinny little diapers. The tinkle comes out when mommy sneezes or laughs too hard. Oh, and sometimes it bleeds because your nails were too long and you left a big scratch in there". (Lucky for me, that was confusing enough that they didn't even THINK to ask about the tampon)

This seemed to suffice....for a couple of years. I then decided to be a responsible mother of daughters. And I told most of the truth.

There is an egg. Your body makes an egg and it sits in your body and waits. If God wants you to have a baby, the egg turns INTO a baby. If not, then your body has to get rid of it. That's what a period is. I even went so far as to tell them what a tampon was. I just couldn't watch them pretend to "smoke" them anymore. And when I told them where it went, the look on their face was priceless (especially since I told them when they were sticking out of their mouths)

Unfortunately, I think that if you have daughters fairly close in age, the younger one will undoubtedly know things before her time. So I need to keep that in mind.

Up until recently, Liza stopped believing that I purchased her on the black market in Africa after she was being raised my hyenas...similar to Mowgli in "The Jungle Book". She finally put two and two together with the pregnant pictures and all. (i must admit...I am glad. I was beginning to think that she may have a learning disability)

I am satisfied that for now, the period discussion is handled. Well, half of it anyway. I cannot for the life of me get to the mans role in the continuation of the human race.

After all, Liza still firmly believes that Emma was created by her deceased Nana...who wanted so badly to have one last grandchild. (Emma was, however, conceived miraculously...almost "Mary-ish" just months after Nana's passing)

Ava, I am sure knows more. I just haven't been able to figure out what exactly she DOES know...without directly asking.

During all of this, television has become my nemesis. With commercials such as his and her fire and ice condoms being aired in early eventing, and teen mom (which I tell them is not a real show because teenagers cannot have babies) my moment is coming....quickly.

However, with woman such as Angelina, Madonna, and Sandra, I can at least keep the "some babies are purchased in other countries (like you, Liza)", and the Duggars who preach out loud that children are a blessing by God (enforcing my above explanation) I figure I have at least another year before I need to tell them anything close to reality. Lets hope I get to them before HBO.