Read THIS.

Book Club



definition- a group of people who meet to discuss a book or books that they have read

(names have been changed to protect the identity of the overly well read)


OK, at the risk of sounding like an illiterate, ignoramus, I am going to voice my thoughts on book clubs.....and reading in general.

I guess I just don't get it. I have heard of runners "high", and I think that I have also discovered a readers "high".

"Zara" is probably my most well read friend. She is a regular at the local library. (if the library were a bar, and her name were "Norm"...well, you get the idea). I spend a good deal of time with Zara. Enough time that I am not embarrassed to express my confusion over the book thing..unafraid that she may find me ignorant. I frequently ask her if she has seen this show or that show....she looks at me confused and I swear she wouldn't know who Oprah was if it weren't for that damn Book Club. ( I don't watch those episodes)

Zara and "Constance" (another well read friend) frequently speak of their conquests when they get together. (those would be the books they have completed) - they talk about he words, the pages...the smell of the pages as they flip through the book...holding the book to their bosom as they read the words that bring them joy. I became uncomfortable...I felt like I was listening to the sorted details of their sex lives....except I would've been a little more intrigued....and less confused. (really....Zara spoke of the smell of the pages as I might speak about Zac Efrons pectoral muscles in a recent edition of People Magazine) (he's 18+...right??)

I am a movie person....and a television person. I cannot help it. It is what I enjoy. It gives me pleasure. I also enjoy reading magazines....particularly ones with content related to that in which I watch on the television or in the movies.

A couple of years ago a good friend attempted to put a book club together. She invited me...although my invitation included the phrase "I know you wont be interested but.....". I don't know why, but I felt a bit insulted.... ( even though I was an admitter of the fact that dislike reading books). I was going to show up.....with my own plan for a "club".

We met at a local eatery....a luncheon place fashioned for yuppie readers..with expensive sandwiches and leather seating corners. Not my type of place, but appropriate for the venue I suppose.

I joined my friends and being the natural born leader as I am...I began to sell my idea....rather than a BOOK CLUB, we should have a MAGAZINE Club....we could all read the weekly issues of People, US, OK....and debate "Team Edward or Team Jacob".....or "Who Wore it Best", or whether Brangelina will be adopting any more village people...or androgynous babies.

Or a movie club! We could have a smashing time drinking wine and using phrases such ad "nobody puts Jenny in a corner" or..." wax your eyebrows on....wax your eyebrows off "....just imagine for a second....

It didn't fly. I quit the book club. I knew I would never read a book. Hell, the best invention after the birth control pill, was children's books on CD.

I will admit to reading 2 books....and actually enjoying them. I was a bit disappointed, however, when coincidentally, the movies were made. (Had I known, I could have picked two OTHER books.)

The first, "Of Mice and Men" was a classic favorite. If for nothing else that to be able to call people "Lenny" when the situation was appropriate. (and to know that most people know what analogy I was attempting to make).

The second, "The Lovely Bones" was also disturbingly enjoyable. It was slightly embarrassing that during the previews at the movie theater, and the title revealed, I blurted out loudly " I READ THIS BOOK...I READ THIS BOOK"...pointing at the screen like a first grader who spots her teacher in the grocery store. And then, quietly to myself " I read this book....Damn. another waste of my time".

A girlfriend gave a group of us one of her favorite books for Christmas one year. I honestly gave it my best shot. I did....I gave it my best shot. I could not get past two pages without sawing wood. It was written in a old time southern dialect and I found myself reading each line several times in order to understand what the hell I was reading. I quit and admitted my failure.

I do understand the importance of literacy for my children's sake and I have been fortunate to have kids with an appropriate age difference to where they can satisfy each others reading requirements for school. Ava is required to read 20 minutes a night. Liza needs to be read TO 20 minutes a night. -Killing two birds with one stone..... (not that I condone killing any birds with any stones)

I do not apologize and realize I am in the minority amongst my peers. They love me despite my disdain for the written word...and love of the DVR. (ironic given my forum here, I realize)

When the "KINDLE" come out with a version which actually narrates to me...and has pictures...I may consider delving into "books". Stay tuned.